Oh, Dash Genetics!
by Renyard Al Fiona
Summary: It's genetically impossible for a Canian like Doppler and an Ailurian like Amelia to have a child. But they're going to find some lost technology to say to the world, "Oh, Dash Genetics!" Chapter the Third is up!
1. Chapter One

Burnt Okonamiyaki Productions  
"Fanfiction... Grilled to perfection!"  
Is pleased to present  
An Elliott Belser Fanfic  
In the world of Disney's Treasure Planet  
  
Oh, Dash Genetics!  
  
Disclaimer: Avast, ya scurvy attack lawyers! Don't you know th' old buccaneer Belser wouldn't dream of attacking Disney's copyright? Nor is he plundering that good ship, as this fanfic is free for all who wish to see it! So if you want to sue me, ye haven't a plank to walk on!  
  
Notes: This fic is a response to the one thing in Treasure Planet that made no sense to me at all - yes, a Disney standby, but in sci-fi? This fic has spoilers up the wazoo and (GASP) actual scientific accuracy. You Have Been Warned.  
  
"Bosun Icthys, as soon as we're secure hop right off the ship for fresh water."  
"Aye, Captain!"  
"Mr. Mason, docking speed if you please."  
"Aye, Ma'am, docking speed."  
"Steady as she goes, Mr. Wright."  
"Steady as a rock, Captain."  
"Doctor, my office please."  
"Ah... certainly, Amelia."  
Fifty pairs of eyes (of which the navigator had twenty-six) latched onto Dilbert Doppler like ether barnacles on the underside of the Legacy. Amelia was there before any of those eyes could blink, her captain's coat settling into stillness on her stockings. Her cat nose flared as a thin, barely fanged smile spread across her face. Dilbert swallowed. Audibly.  
"Doctor, if I'm not much mistaken, I discussed this matter with you... Let me think... Bosun Icthys?"  
Icthys "the fish" burbled through his watersuit: "Mess last night, when he said 'could you please pass the brandy, Amelia.'"  
"Yes, that's right," Amelia purred. "Where would I be without you, Bosun?"  
"I don't know, Captain."  
"Oh come now, after all this time can't you tell when I'm joking? Now then, Doctor, what did I say to you last night?"  
Dilbert rubbed his glasses and sighed. "You told me that to maintain proper discipline on board this ship, all crew, regardless of marital status," (this brought a very slight smile to his face,) "should address you as ma'am or Captain." Dilbert tugged at the kerchief around his neck. Why did he wear that waistcoat and shirt getup to a Mercurial Zone anyway? It had been years since he had been back to a port that needed heavy clothes.  
Amelia took a second to watch him fidget. He was looking dreadful in the heat. A poor dear. Why of all sentients him, anyway? "She's lost her mind!" indeed. Amelia smiled in spite of herself when she asked, "I said something specific in regards to marital status with that rule, did I not?"  
"Indeed, indeed... you said being married to the Captain does not allow you to make an exception."  
"So, Doctor Husband?"  
"Ah, sorry about that, Amelia. Ma'amelia... CAPTAIN AMELIA, MA'AM." If his cheeks weren't burning, he would have sworn he couldn't get more overheated.  
Amelia clicked a solid gold stopwatch, regarded it, raised one penciled eyebrow, then dropped her watch into her coat pocket and turned to the Bosun. "One day, two hours and fourteen minutes to the second since he made his last Freudian slip, Bosun."  
"A new record, ma'am."  
"Do make a note of it. Now then, Doctor, as I mentioned before you so rudely ignored my rank, I have something I want to discuss with you. In my office. Before we make world-fall."  
The Doctor flipped his head up, flapping his ears against the sides of his cheeks. "Ma'am, 'with the greatest possible respect, zip your howling screamer.'"  
She flung her stateroom door open wide. "Goodness gracious, I wonder where you learned such evil language... Shall we?"   
She indicated the door. Dilbert mock bowed as he entered, prompting Amelia to mock the gesture back as she locked herself in.  
"Stateroom" wasn't the half of it. It was a combination central bridge and quarters, with a cherry wood table and real beds. The stateroom was made of airtight hardwood for space and etherium travel and all rimmed with gilt. Dilbert was grateful to share the space with Amelia, both in general and at the very moment as she drew the curtains. Of course, in Dilbert's opinion, being male and not appreciating space shared with Amelia was impossible. After you got past her firing off grapeshot wit. He had long since learned that she was all hiss and no scratch.  
Amelia slid the last curtain into place and turned to face him. "Sorry to pull rank like that, but to draw attention to special privileges like a first-name basis with the Captain could get you keelhauled faster than you can say 'longboat.' Besides, it is my general opinion that not being able to say each other's name will make us far more creative. Sighing your lover's name is frightfully old hat."  
Dilbert nodded. "Understood, noted, and logged. I'm sorry, Captain, most beautiful Queen of this most worthy Ship, for my incalculable transgression. It won't happen again."  
She sat down at the table and bid Dilbert do the same with a wave of her hand. "Oh, shut up, yes it will, and then I'll get to embarrass you in front of the whole of the Legacy. Gives me endless hours of diversion, I'll say that much." Amelia tossed her head, trying to retain her poise in the face of her urge to laugh.  
Dilbert's idea of poise allowed him to chuckle. "Something you wanted to speak with me about?"  
"Oh, god, yes. Doctor... Let me see... Is there any tea about?"  
"Tea? What do you mean, dragging me in here for..." Dilbert stopped shouting when he realized that she was composing herself. Amelia might take a long time to get to the point, but deliberately stalling? This was going to be grave. He picked up the kettle. "Oh! Sorry! Yes, tea! Here you go, no sugar or cream's how you take it?"  
Amelia looked like she was smirking, but that was just her version of a broad grin. "No, thank you, Doctor. You can read me like a book. Not that I expect less from someone so obviously brilliant after... how long has it been? Two years? Three? Bloody hell." She took a long draught from her teacup.  
Now she was openly complimenting him and swearing. Bloody Hell indeed. Dilbert reached out for Amelia's empty hand. "Second year at Academy for Jim means second year for us, too. Go on, dea... Ma'am."  
She finished her cup, poured another, thought long and hard about how to couch her request... ah. "First off, let me say that I've thought long, hard, and often about what I'm going to ask you. We've been together for two years, I've been commanding the Legacy ever since my discharge, well on fifteen years. I've captained this ship since I was twenty two, and have no desire to stop now."  
Dilbert nodded, stirring sugar into his own tea. "That would make you..."  
"Shut up, it's bad form to calculate a woman's age. When I caught you melting your share of the loot down at the jewelers, do you remember the condition I set forth for your proposal?"  
"You remain the captain of the Legacy, where you hardly ever sink at space." Amelia wasn't really listening to Dilbert, but she did catch his lead to their old joke.  
"What, never, Doctor?"  
"Well, hardly ever, Captain."  
Amelia decided that she'd unleash her joke to keep the one Dilbert made good company. "Meaning that I've had practice disciplining and keeping track of a bunch of little hooligans, so I'd be well suited to what I want I want to do now."  
Dilbert spluttered into his tea. "Changing jobs? But being a Captain is your life!"  
Amelia sneer was real this time, baring a fang. "I thought," Amelia spat, "that I made it very clear that I like having a ship, thank you very much."  
"But... Oh, you're not changing jobs? I could have sworn from what you're saying... wanting to do something else..." Dilbert realized exactly what she was talking about. He blinked, wiped his glasses, and said, "Now you've REALLY lost your mind."  
"Come now, I don't think I'm any more insane than anyone else making the attempt."  
"We can't. It is a simple question of genetics."  
"Oh, dash genetics! Are you that worried about combining my gift for science with your gift for words?"  
Dilbert raised an eyebrow, otherwise ignoring the insult. "I am not speaking," he said, "of any hypothetical child of ours having a peculiar mix of our blood. It's that any hypothetical child with a mix of our blood is impossible in the first place!"  
"No, no, it's really quite simple, Doctor. I believe you have studied anatomy? Oh, wait, that was you trying to say astronomy while you were staring at me."  
Doctor Dilbert had a sudden urge to beat his head against the wall. "Tell me, how similar is a chimpanzee to a human? On the genetic level, you understand."  
"Does this have any relevance to the discussion at hand?" It was only after she said it that she realized exactly what the Doctor meant. She closed her eyes, feeling as if she had been dropped with no life support in the shadow of a planet. "...so close to one hundred percent to convince one the difference is negligible. Until you try to crossbreed them. And the Canian and Ailurian species..."  
"...are so close to being absolutely different on the genetic level to convince one that there are no similarities." Dilbert sighed. "I'm sorry, Amelia, but that's just life."  
All Amelia said was "Oh, dash genetics."  
It was probably a good thing for everyone's mood that at that precise instant, an explosion rocked the Legacy's deck. 


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Amelia was sent tumbling backwards by the blast, her head on a collision course with the sharp edge of her armoire. Dilbert didn't even realize he was acting until he had caught and braced her in his arms. "Amelia, are you all right?" he said. Thank god for his reflexes.

Amelia grabbed his kerchief and tugged it, jerking his head to her level. "Kindly," she snarled, "remove your hand from what I shall graciously refer to as my 'lower back.'"

Dilbert surprised himself with his agility yet again. "Sorry, sorry."

"Save that for tonight." She leapt to the pipe connected to the engine room as Dilbert tried to think of pure things. "What's going on out there?" she demanded.

"Pirates, ma'am!" was the reply.

Whatever Amelia was going to say was shunted aside by her order. "Full speed astern, then get to cannon range!" She dashed to the armoire and flung it open, throwing a fuselock blaster and a cutlass at Dilbert. She wanted to scream, wanted to swear, but no, she had to be cooler, or at the least, more inventive then that. "I will personally drop their captain into the event horizon of the nearest black hole."

Dilbert cocked his blaster and dropped a single fusion crystal in it. "I'll get to scanners. You might want to stay inside."

"What? And miss an opportunity to scream bloody murder at my crew? Never." She unlocked the door and loaded her own blaster, then threw the door outwards.

The deck was in chaos: the first impact had been harder than Amelia had anticipated. A huge hole had opened up when the cannon had hit it. The grease stain and circular gash suggested a conventional explosive instead of photon or fusion cannon. One topsman was visibly hurt, cyan blood seeping into a bandanna around his scaled arm. At least he knew enough to staunch the wound. Two ships, both small, nimble and with one triangular sail each, circled the Legacy in a classic attack formation.

Amelia knew the type. Commerce raiders. Too small to threaten a fleet, but just the thing for ambushing small traders. Well, she'd show them the Legacy was no mere merchantman, but a man-o'-war!

"Mr. Crisp! Load all cannon with grapeshot plasma crystal! Mr. Wright! East by northeast bearing six, zero, two! Cut them off!" The crew leapt to obey. Amelia drew her sword. Dilbert manipulated the sensors, his eyes wide in terror. He damn well should be terrified, Amelia knew. "Open fire when I give the word!"

Dilbert spun to her. "Captain! Wait!"

She dropped her sword. "FIRE!"

The cannon boomed. Handfuls of grape-sized crystals shot from them, then flared into life, using the friction of the Etherium to burst into flame. Crisp's aim was true. By all rights, the plasma crystal should have burnt their sail to ash. But it splashed against a barrier some feet away from the ship. Splashed like something dropped into water. Or ether. The pirate returned fire, a cannonball whizzing right behind Amelia and detonating as it struck the starboard side of the forecastle. 

Amelia turned to survey it. No major damage. She swooped to Doppler. "What did you find, Doctor?"

"They have ethersheal sidereal" He took a deep breath. "I noticed that the Etherium is reacting to energy emissions coming from the pirates. Ethereal screens, Captain."

"WHAT?! How the devil..." Amelia caught herself and frowned. "... how in the Etherium did they steal that technology? From the Ailurian Royal Shipyards, no less!" A lucent cannon bolt seared through the air, missing the Legacy completely. "And more importantly, how do we defeat it, Doctor?"

"No idea on the first, but..." 

His words drowned in the sound of cannon fire. Amelia gasped as the cannonball leveled a maneuver sail. "Mr. Wright!"

Dilbert actually snarled. "Don't go to evasive action yet, Captain! If I'm right, doing that will lose us our chance!"

"And if you're wrong, this ship goes down. Be quick about it, Doctor."

"An ethereal shockwave should breach their barrier. An ethereal shockwave like that caused..." Dilbert grinned, his four sharp teeth glinting in the light. "...by the wake of a solar galleon!"

"Brilliant. Mad, but bloody brilliant." Amelia whirled to the helmsman. "Mr. Wright! Intercept course for the nearest ship! Cross the T, or ram them failing that!"

To his credit, the pilot hesitated for only three seconds. "...Aye, Captain." Then he grabbed the ships wheel, twisting it. The sails of the Legacy flared with the solar wind, the Etherium parting and swirling as the Legacy accelerated. Mr. Wright brought the ship into a controlled skid, making the Etherium crest in a breaker...

And the screens were caught up in that breaker, crashing over the hull of the pirate ship.

"ALL CANNON OPEN FIRE!" Amelia didn't even need to give the order. Grapeshot fireballs pounded the pirate's fo'c'sle and mainsail. 

The fo'c'sle was drilled through. 

The sail was set afire!

"That ship is no threat to us!" Amelia shouted. Mr. Wright twisted the ships wheel. 

Before being knocked flat by an explosion. 

Lucent cannon from the other ship raked the Legacy's stern. Amelia leapt up to the wheel and forced the Legacy back under her control. "Doctor! Damage report!"

One glance at the readout was enough. "Our rudder is out, and they're holing our cargo bay."

Amelia almost froze. "But that's where we keep..."

"The ammunition. Yes. If they ignite the powder, then this whole ship could..."

Amelia roared, twisting the ship's wheel. The ship made the barest movement portside. "The other ship is too maneuverable! We can't get near the blasted thing without it turning to our stern!"

Dilbert opened a grille. "Then train the cannon behind you," he said, "and leave the rest to me!" He leapt into the ship.

"What are you doing!?" Amelia screamed. 

Anyone but Dilbert would have thought she was angry. Dilbert knew that she was just worried. "Trust me, my Captain! Just get to cannon range!"

"'My Captain?!'" Amelia blinked. Then smiled. "See, you're getting more creative already, dear Doctor."

Amelia couldn't figure out what the Doctor was planning until the moment she saw the longboat. "You are either a lunatic or... Correction, you are most definitely a lunatic. Mr. Crisp, reload and train those cannon astern! Make sure one cannon is loaded with a secured harpoon!"

Mr. Crisp did not question his orders. Amelia saw Doctor Doppler cracking open the controls on the ship's engine coil, and counted down, doing her best to dodge the cannonballs and lucent cannon exploding on the cargo bay. Fifteen seconds now...

"Mr. Crisp, aim the harpoon two degrees above the Doctor's longboat if you please! FIRE!"

"Aye, Captain!"

Doppler leaped from the longboat, meeting the cable as it extended and wrapping it around his arm, below the jacket. He met the Captain's eyes and nodded. It was enough for her.

"Retract harpoon!"

"Aye sir!"

The cable creeped back to the ship. Five. Four. Three. Two. One...

The drive core of the longboat overloaded, blasting ethereal energy across everything in its path. A little Etherium couldn't hurt the Legacy, but for a ship with ethereal screens...

"Fire all cannon astern!"

Fire rained down from the Legacy. The ship was below them, and the first thing hit was the sails, which blossomed in flame. Next was the forecastle and the deck, ripped to shreds, exposing the drive core. The next shot hit the core. Amelia plugged her ears and waited for the inevitable.

CRACK-A-BOOM!

"Nothing quite as satisfying as a good explosion, is there?" Amelia said, then laughed, turning to see debris from the pirate ship collide with her ship harmlessly. "Steady with that cable, Mr. Crisp."

No sooner had she said it then the cable began to twist and flail.

"What in the devil...!?" Amelia looked over the edge and gasped. One of the pirates, in a tattered cloak, had attached himself to the cable. To kill the Doctor.

Authors Notes: Don't you just HATE these cliffhangers? MWAHAHA! The original Treasure Island was written as a serial, don't cha know! I'm definitely getting to the bit about the lost technology, don't fret. I just had to justify the "sci fi" and "adventure" tags, and I so enjoy writing this. Thank you all for your supportive reviews. Now all I need is some C&C.


	3. Chapter Three

Amelia took out her blaster, leaping to the side of the deck. Tried to sight it. No! Doppler and the pirate were swaying too hard – she couldn't aim, and would likely hit the Doctor. But she could help another way. "All free hands! Get to this rope and pull!"

Doppler heard her order, heard the clatter of feet as the crew slid to his aid. He had less time before being rescued, but it wouldn't matter if he was killed before being hauled aboard. The pirate was a Shiva, with four hands – two to climb with, and two to wield his weapons: knife and blaster. He looked up. Grinned at him. Doubled its climbing speed.

Dilbert clutched his own blaster, swaying deliberately to throw the Shiva off his balance. He led his target. Pulled the trigger. The fusion crystal ignited, creating an incandescent bolt of plasma that hurtled at the Shiva. Dilbert saw the telltale flash of a blaster impact, and whooped... 

But no. It had done nothing but knock the pirate's blaster out of his hand. And it's knife was the deadlier weapon.

Dilbert hauled himself up the rope. He felt like his muscles were about to burst. He tried not to think of the words "lactic acid," "rope burn" or "laceration." But he was jumping up the hull now, only seven hand-spans away from safety on the ship. 

He felt steel pierce his left foot.

Dilbert bayed, kicking downward. He had to ignore the pain. He had to haul himself up. The Shiva slashed again. Dilbert swung his leg, catching the Shiva's arm for one moment before kicking at his head. The pirate caught the leg and hauled himself up, corps a corps with Dilbert now. He grabbed the Doctor's torso and preparing for the strike that would be fatal.

Dilbert leapt from the hull onto the deck, bringing the pirate with him. Amelia took her one instant to grab the thug's arm and twisted the knife out of it, kneeing him in the back. He fell to the deck. Amelia drew her sword and held it to his throat.

"Ailurians can react in a tenth of a second," Amelia remarked. "Can you?" Her eyes flicked towards the Doctor. "Are you alright, Doctor?"

"All right? By no means. In a state I can recover from? Undoubtedly." Dilbert limped to his feet.

"Good man. Would someone take him to his quarters?" The crew recognized that Amelia was never this quiet before. Two trimsmen went on each side of him, hauling him to his feet.

"Go on then," the Shiva snarled. "Kill me. The Halfbreed will find our ships and kill you all anyway. We will have our revenge."

"I look forward to meeting your Captain in combat. Especially if he isn't the simpering, simpleminded ninny typified by your ship." Something was nagging at Amelia. Something vitally important, but inaccessible to her waking mind...

Wait. "The Halfbreed? Unusual name. How did he come about it?"

"You mean you have not heard of Dual?" The Shiva corsair snickered. "Dual Astarte, the Halfbreed himself? He is called The Halfbreed because he is a Halfbreed. Some say he's half Proycon, some say he's Canidian, others say he's part Taoscan, but all we know for sure is this – he's half your kind," and here the pirate snarled, "half Ailurian – and for that half he hates Ailur and all her children!"

Amelia realized it had been ten seconds since the pirate had spoken. "Ludicrous," she found herself saying, chuckling and closing her eyes with a confidence she knew she was lacking. "And how did this, ah, mingling happen?"

"Ask him yourself," the Shiva smiled, before jumping and cutting his own throat.

NOTES: I came up with Dual for this fanfic before I came up with him for The Etherium. Yes, The Etherium, the very finest in Treasure Planet Roleplaying. And MORE CLIFFHANGERS! Don't you just hate that?

Oh. By the way. Although it has nothing to do with the subject, please read Diamond Age by Neal Stephenson. Now.


End file.
